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Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
My wife found a twenty dollar bill in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities…. For money laundering.
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV. When I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen ask… “What would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?” I said, “Thank you, dear, I think…
A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is. The wife goes into a tirade , listing every problem they ever had in the 15 years they’ve…
A boy asks his Dad one day, “Dad, why is my sister called Paris?” His Dad replies, “Because she was conceived in Paris.” The boy says, “Ahh, thanks Dad.” His Dad says, “You’re welcome, Backseat.”
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will cost you 300 dollars. Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that…
Q: Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? A: One cup and you’re up all night.
Did you hear about the “little” psychic that broke out of jail? Police and the authorities are looking for a small medium at large!!
In all the years they were alive, Sammy Davis Jr., and Ella Fitzgerald never recorded an album together. Do you know why? Because it would have been called “Sam an’ Ella.”