At breakfast, the husband says to his wife, “What would you do if I won the Lottery.” “I’d take my half and leave you” she says. Great he says. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.”
I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, “Yes, pump number six.”
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused…
A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three…
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
The graveside service had just ended when there was a frightening clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even louder thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and said calmly, “Well, she’s there.”
A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs in a sports store earlier today. . . . Doctors said that he should be okay but he’s not out of the woods yet!
My pet mouse Elvis died today…He was caught in a trap.
Why aren’t Marijuana Dispensaries called Grass Stations ??
“Before they invented drawing boards, what did people go back to?”
A woman in labour suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped…
An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take your kid to work Day’. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff…
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”